The Pain of Underachievement

Sometimes in life, you need a friend to help you out in times of crisis, and this adage was borne out so vividly over the weekend when Wigan came to Fortress St. James to pay a visit. In their train were old boys Titus Calamity Bramble and Antoine Sibierski, the latter having delivered an acerbic parting shot at Freddy before he left for the JJB.
Up till Saturday, the Toon Army had not witnessed a goal scored at home for over 660 minutes of football, a goalless streak that stretches back to February when we saw off Liverpool with a 2-1 win.
The visit of Wigan was tempered somewhat by the departure of loyal servant Solano, our Peruvian wing wizard who never let the club down in his two spells here. Big Sam though was buoyed by the signing of two Senegalese internationals Faye from Bolton and Beye from Marseilles. Faye is of no relation to the waster Amady Faye signed from Portsmouth from Souey. Beye played against in the 2004 UEFA Cup in a side which featured a certain Didier Drogba.
The match started with the Toon bombarding the Wigan goal but it seemed to be a travesty when we went into halftime goalless. This was due to Kirkland’s inspired form, the referee’s blind eye to Titus’s handball, Owen’s ruled out goal and the woodwork. Hope was rekindled with the sending off of Kevin Kilbane for a second bookable offence and our offensive resumed with greater urgency.
Just when the Latics thought they were well worth a point after planting 10 men in their half, a tactical masterstroke by Big Sam turned the game. Martins came on and delivered a cross which eluded everyone in the Wigan goal except Owen who ghosted in at the far post to plant a header into goal. Cue pandemonium, tears of joy and hand raised in victory. The barren run has been thankfully ended. And who was the culprit? Titus of course who failed to clear an innocuous ball. That’s the way Titus plays doesn’t he? Concentrate for 86 minutes and switches off in the last 3. Great! Nice way to come back to Tyneside and helping us with a goal.
So a nice weekend before the internationals. We are up to 6th with one game in hand over most of the teams above us. The sun does shine brightly these days but it is still early in the season. Still, there’s a lot to be grateful for.
1. Owen has opened his premier league account.
2. We kept another clean sheet. that’s now 2 out of 4 matches.
3. Martins can score and set up goals. An excellent substitute.
4. We are enjoying our best run of form since as long as I can remember….

Till 17 th then, we will aim to prevent a slip up at Derby as we attempt to compound their misery.

After two consecutive draws with Villa and Boro, goals flowed on Tyneside again as we negotiated a potential banana skin in the form of Barnsley in the Carling Cup second round. A new strike force of Ameobi and Owen huffed and puffed for almost an hour before the Tykes’ defence was breached by Owen who scored only his 8th goal for us in 14 competitive starts in a hellish 2 years with the club. There is indeed a lot of goals to make up for, so hopefully this would be the beginning of the goal trail for him. Martins rounded off the scoring with another scorcher just 3 minutes after replacing Owen. At least, this gives us a little more confidence going into the weekend against the Latics.

I just wonder which Titus Bramble would turn up… hopefully the Calamitous one and I hope we can put a few goals past him.

As it stands, the goal scoring charts
1. Martins - 3 (2 league, 1 cup)
2. N’Zogbia - 2 (2 league)
3. Viduka - 1 (league)
4. Owen - 1 (cup)

A big cheer to all Toon fans around the globe. Let the season end now as we now sit at the pinnacle of the league table. It was with much trepidation that I feared the team’s visit to the Reebok which had been the graveyard for many a Toon squad in the last 5 years. Could it be more of the same? How would the team fare against a Bolton team which plays in-your-face football?

Ultimately such fears were allayed as the Magpies made roast meat out of the Trotters as we went 3 up within 27 minutes. First, a N’Zogbia free kick that floated into the corner which left Jussi red-faced and then cue the Martins show. An acrobatic bicycle kick from a Milner cross was dispatched with much aplomb, before he made the points safe with a long range effort that took a slight deflection into the net.

Although the Trotters got one back through the incredible sulk face Anelka, the expected crumbling of the Toon never materialised. Perhaps we have now a new found resilience which had been absent in the teams past. Everyone battled manfully and played their part in a splendid victory as Big Sam put one up on his former team. Certainly a job well-done.

Stats - Goals
Martins - 2
N’Zogbia - 1

Assists
Milner - 1

Till Saturday then… and hopefully we can keep the momentum going.

Just when everything is beginning to look all nice and well for the new season, our infamous injury jinx has struck again. Mickey Owen was taken out of the second friendly at Carlisle due to a ‘thigh’ injury… Ameobi also had to get his tender hip rested before it cracks under pressure. And to make matters worse, Joey Barton had to limp off during that game with an injury that turned out to be fracture of the metatarsal…. and he would be out for 6 weeks. Crap. 5.8 million pounds and he cannot be used until end of August at least. Why????? I really cannot understand our rotten luck.
Let’s keep our fingers crossed that no more players would fall down like flies.

Ah it’s been a long long time since I bothered writing anything remotely related to NUFC since another season of abject disappointment wound to close in May 2007. Roeder ultimately paid the price for yet another season of failure. Knocked out of the cups, Europe and finally contention for a European place and losing half the squad to injury, his honeymoon which lasted for a few months came to a logical conclusion. Sacked after the last home loss to Blackburn, the way was now open for Fat Fred to appoint another man at the helm to take the poisoned chalice that is the managership at NUFC.
Fat Fred finally got his man in Allardyce, the man who did wonders at Bolton on a shoestring budget. And then with the takeover by billionaire Ashley, certainly the times ahead for the Toon look promising. At least they got rid of the dead wood and rubbish that made up the defence for now. Titus the Shambles was released and found his way to Wigan courtesy of a glowing reference from Uncle Bobby, I hope he has not lost his marbles. Good luck Latics, your defence will be jittery and extremely porous next season, have fun plugging the holes. Moore was also released, another one of Souness’s great buys who spent more time on the operating table than on the pitch. Sibierski was allowed to go as well to Wigan. Onyewu was quite rubbish the time he was on loan and I don’t seriously think he would be missed. Parker was allowed to reunite with his mentor Curbishley at West Ham for 7 million pounds. I think it’s good business since he has not been putting his boots in at the middle of the park.
Now we have just concluded a deal for lardball Mark Viduka, let’s hope he throws his weight around and behind our title challenge next season. And of course, let’s not forget we are getting Man City’s bad boy Joey, let’s hope he strengthens the midfield next season against the lesser teams. We have really been too soft this year. And please Michael, you had to stay and fire us back into the big time. Don’t be swayed by the likes of Manure and Poo….
Let’s hope for better days ahead.

The treatment room for Newcastle Utd currently resembles the unmitigated mess the US is finding itself stuck in Iraq. At present, much of the first team squad has undergone some kind of injury or freak accident. Here’s just a selection of those till Dec 2006.

Shay Given - had his abdomen nearly ruptured by a reckless tackle by I think Marlon Harewood in our victory at West Ham… replaced by Harper who messed up a few times and leaked a few soft goals.

Titus Bramble - apparently out because his calf has swollen to twice its normal size. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

Craig Moore - some kind of groin injury. Whatever. Not really missed.

Oliver Bernard - why did we sign him? Not appeared in the frame of the first team at all.

Kieron Dyer - a sad tale of repeated failed comebacks. Hurt his eye before his comeback, came back and injured his calf, now back again…. will pray for him to stay out of the treatment room.

N’Zogbia - leg injury, out till next year.

Owen - what else has not been said.. Enough.

Scott Parker - also out for a few games with an injury, back scoring goals and tackling other players in midfield.

Ameobi - got a hip operation, hope he comes back soon among the goals again.

We need new players in January …. please.

All right folks, sorry for the long hiatus… been too preoccupied to blog on the tribulations of being a Newcastle Utd supporter. Surely the form has been erratic for most of the early season in the Premiership with some joy coming from our European involvement. However, in recent weeks there has been a steady improvement in our fortunes as we fly up the table.
As I write, the Toon has just been confirmed to be the receipients of the Intertoto Cup this season as the team to advance the furthest in the UEFA Cup. Detractors may laugh but I would not mind getting a trophy so long as it is a cup. I don’t think the fans really bother. At least it speaks volumes of what Roeder has achieved given the casualties he has in the treatment room.
So hopefully this will not be the last of any silverware to come…. fingers crossed.

The epitome of Souness’s reign of abject mismanagement of the club has finally decided to leave Tyneside for the warmer climes of Turin. Newcastle announced the transfer of World Cup ’star’ defender Jean Alain Boumsong to Juventus at a price of 3.3 million pounds plus other kinds of payments. Bought by Souness at 8.5 million pounds from Rangers, the Ibrox outfit must have rubbed their eyes in disbelief at the profit they made on a player they got for free only 6 months earlier. How this transfer could have gotten through is a travesty and makes a mockery of the supporters. In 59 appearances Boumsong failed to score but helped the opposition score on many occasions. It really must be hard playing against 12 men, that’s why we could not overcome the odds on so many occasions. Anyway au revoir and please don’t ever come back.

Finally the long wait is over. EPL diehards all over the world welcomed the inauguration of a new season on 19 August. Who cares whether it’s the best league in the world? It certainly is one of the most if not the most entertaining league. We don’t want to watch football played at a saunter. We want blood, sweat, aggression and tears!
Anyway, Newcastle returned from Latvia with a 1-0 victory ahead of the opener at home to Wigan. And the team had Bramble to thank with a crucial goal. We must finish what we began in Latvia. Hopefully by then another striker would have joined the Toon cause. According to the media, the target seems increasingly to be Inter’s Nigerian striker Martins who was the centre of a age dispute. Is he 21 or 28? Who really cares if he can run the 100 metres at under 11 secs? What we need now is pace in our strikeforce. Shola isn’t really your fleet-footed striker, we used to have one don’t we? Courtesy of the Scottish tyrant, he’s now plying his trade at Merseyside.
Indeed it was a good weekend for the Toon as we opened our season with a 2-1 win under monsoon like conditions against a resilient Wigan. You really got to give it to Paul Jewell who has instilled the never-say-die attitude in his players. Parker got us underway after good work from Shola with a Shearer-like header on 38 minutes. McColluch hit back after another display of shambolic defending by our defence on 59 minutes before Ameobi sealed victory on 64 minutes after he followed up on N’Zogbia’s powerful drive which was parried by Kirkland. Wigan’s strikers caused a few scares but the Toon held firm.
List of scorers
Ameobi - 3 (2 Euro, 1 EPL)
Emre -1 (Euro)
Bramble - 1 (Euro)
Luque - 1 (Euro)

Now for a quick roundup of Saturday’s matches.
Sheffield Utd were on course on a memorable victory over Liverpool but were undone by a penalty awarded after Gerrard was tripped in the box. Pool had egg on their faces as they were held 1-1 at Bramall Lane. Sorry Pool, maybe you have underestimated Steve Warnock’s men.
Arsenal did not have a good time either at the Emirates Stadium. New stadium, new beginning, time to show the world what 60 000 supporters can do. Cue Martin O’Neill to spoil the party, holding the Gunners to a 1-1 draw. Obviously he did not read the script.
Among the three promoted sides, Watford went down 2-1 at Everton with a shocking linesman’s decision which ruled that Chris Powell handballed when the ball hit his face and was out of play. Reading produced the comeback of the weekend when they went 2-0 down at home and recovered to beat Boro 3-2. Gareth Southgate, welcome to the EPL. Djimi Traore proved his stupidity by getting himself sent off in Charlton’s 3-1 defeat at West Ham. Former bad brat Bowyer showed his quality by playing a part in all 3 goals. Bolton spoiled Spurs’ party and showed them that money cannot always buy success by trouncing them 2-0. Kanu showed what he could do with a brace in Pompey’s 3-0 win over Blackburn. Manure showed doubters that they were not finished yet with a complete 5 star demolition of hapless Fulham. Chelsea strolled to a 3-0 success over Man City.
So it’s largely business as usual for the big clubs. But never never ever underestimate the promoted sides. They can give anyone a game.

Some things are really strange. Just take the case of ‘world-beater’ Jean Alain Boumsong. Went to the World Cup, never kicked a ball, got a runners-up’s medal, picking up 30000 pounds a week at Newcastle and messing our defence up. And now he claims that a couple of French Ligue 1 sides want to take him back to France. To those teams he has added the Juve, recently relegated to Serie B. Actually, all Toon fans would not shed any tear if this poor excuse for a soccer professional leaves because he actually made our defence look like that of a Sunday pub team. If we can halve our losses, I say let him go and let the youngsters grow. In any case, when he was out of the team, the defence played better and I am sure that no one in the team would miss him, despite protests to the contrary.
Next up, some reports about us doing a triple deal involving 15 million pounds, let’s hope it solves our striking problems and fast.