The Pain of Underachievement

As our hopes of getting into Europe fade as fast as lead sinking into the waters of the Tyne, the Carling Cup represents perhaps our final hope of securing a passage into Europe. Indeed as most sides tend to field reserves, this really is a good opportunity for the Toon. The shock of the round must be Doncaster’s humbling of Villa and two ex-Magpies did the damage. James Coppinger and Lewis Guy, two former strikers who made a total of TWO first team appearances made fools out of David O’Leary’s side.
As we do battle with Wigan at the JJB without Owen again, I really wonder where the goals are going to come from? Shearer was good but he clearly can no longer deliver and must be on the bench after Jan for the good of the team. They need to get a proven goal scorer and quick. Not with oh so fragile Owen as the main spearhead. Shola has been given chance after chance and blowing it. Chopra needs a run but Souness doesn’t give him the opportunity. And the kids in the reserves and Under-18s are not ready. Help… where has the cavalier attacking football of Newcastle Utd gone to??? We may lose matches but at least we go down fighting. Under the enlightened reign of the Scot, the Toon has never come back from 1 goal down except in one match. We no longer have the mental resilience to claw our way back. Under Bobby, we were known as the comeback kings now we are nothing.
Another year of mediocrity beckons unless the Scot can come up with something and FAST. The undercurrent of discontent is brewing fast and if things don’t improve, Souness will run out of excuses to save his job.

Before I go into more Mersey misery for the Toon, here’s a tabulation of the results and our predictions.

Arsenal 3 Blackburn 0
Villa 1 Charlton 0
Man C 0 Pool 1
Unwashed 0 Brum 1
Wigan 1 Spurs 2
Pompey 0 Chelsea 2
Toffees 1 Toon 0
Cottagers 2 Trotters 1
Boro 2 Baggies 2
Hammers 1 Manure 2

After tabulating, I got 10 pts and Lyndon a close 9 pts and both of us got 2 correct results with the right scoreline. I got the Unwashed v Brum and Latics v Spurs matches, while Lyndon got the Arse v Rovers and Pompey v Chelsea matches.
A credible showing for both pundits I say.
I don’t even want to start talking about another scene of capitulation at Goodison. It was perhaps fated that I was not to see the opening goal on 46 mins because I was still eating at Cafe Cartel and telling my wife that the Toon would be 3-0 up by the time we got back. And boy was I shocked to see 1-0 to Everton when I got back. It was already 65 minutes and frankly the Toon were awful. And there was no Owen… have we bought Woodgate in disguise??? Out of the 11 matches so far, he has missed half of them. The only bonus is that when he plays, we win.
As usual the Toon created little until fairly late and I caught some glimpses of Albert Luque who claims that his awesome price tag is no pressure but really his positioning and reading of the game at times were baffling. On 85 mins, he should have squared the ball to Shearer who was better placed but elected to shoot and straight into the side netting. Crap. Shay Given gave his all and did a triple save in the dying minutes to keep the score low… but no excuses for this crap performance. Now we have to pick ourselves up for the Carling Cup and avenge our unfortunate loss at the JJB in the league. Lads, you have got a long way to go to salvage yourselves in the eyes of the Geordie faithful….

I realised I have not done a write up of last week’s matches.
Here goes:

Wigan 2 Arse 3 (1 pt) Finally the bubble is going to burst, big time.

Charlton 1 Manure 3 (1 pt) Same for the Addicks.

Chelsea 3 Toon 0 We don’t deserve this.

Liverpool 3 Pompey 0 Perrin got sacked.

Man C 0 Blackburn 0 (1 pt) What’s new anyway?

Mackems 1 Villa 3 (1 pt) Unwashed is going to be dead… soon.

West Brom 4 Everton 0 Who would have predicted this?

Boro 3 Fulham 2 (1 pt) The real Boro showed up.

Spurs 1 Hammers 1 At least your brother can still score, Rio.

5 out 0f 27 pts …. crap.

Now for this week.

Arsenal v Blackburn 2 - 1 No way is Blackburn gonna get anything.
Aston Villa v Charlton 2-1 Milner to deliver?
Man City v Liverpool 1-1 Don’t think Pool can do much with misfiring Crouch around.
Sunderland v Birmingham 0-1 Relegation battle.
Wigan v Tottenham 1-2 Bubble will burst again.
Portsmouth v Chelsea 0 - 4 Crush them like a fly.
Everton v Newcastle 1 - 3 Owen to kill the Toffees, just like a good Liverpudlian.
Fulham v Bolton 1-2 Allardyce weaves his magic.
Middlesbrough v West Brom 3 - 1 That was a false dawn.
West Ham v Man Utd 0-3 The Horseface and Shrek show.

One of my frequent guests and comrade-in-arms against the evil machinations of Roman ‘Robber Baron’ Whateverwitch Lyndon really read my mind about the shambolic performance at Stamford Bridge last week. I am wondering how long would it take for Chelsea to buy the whole EPL, referees and linesmen included… maybe with the zillions available, it has already happened. If Mark Halsey can ignore two blatant penalties and linesmen don’t even have the moral courage to do the right thing, there is no hope of any team getting what it deserves when stupid Chelsea commits a foul.
I will really celebrate the day when the adage ‘Money isn’t everything’ is proven true when it comes to Chelsea. It doesn’t matter which team wins the title, even shitty Manure because no one save for Blues fans wants that Russian team to win.

Let’s not go into the weekend results yet because after our dismal showing again at Stamford Bridge, my blood is just curdling to the point of imploding from my veins. As the Toon Army sought to avenge a run of defeats stretching over a decade on this ground and an abysmal record of 12 goals conceded in the last three meetings, it was with some optimism when I knew that our nemesis Drogba was suspended and that Chelski was wobbling after two defeats. But that’s before I realised to my horror when I came home and switched on the TV that Owen was not playing…
I mean I expected old warhorse Shearer to be out because of his hernia op, but I fully expected Owen to partner Shola up front, at least that might give us a chance. But later Souey said Owen had a little groin injury. Crap, why does he break down so often before crucial games? He didn’t sprain his groin killing off the Argies, did he? But to make matters worse, Steven Taylor already got himself injured ruling him out for 10 weeks. That’s gonna be a massive blow to our defence because to me, he’s the lynchpin, not the over-rated and over-priced hybrid French import Boumsong who is more prone to slipping than tackling.
Taylor’s injury was Bramble’s gain and I really feared the worst when the two Bs got together in their central defensive partnership because I knew that was an accident just waiting to implode and boy was I damn right. Frankly what possessed Sir Bobby to part with 5 million quid to pay for Calamity Titus shall forever be one of the greatest mysteries in the history of mankind because really that rock cannot run fast, lacks concentration and his reading of the game is downright poor. I can count with my fingers the number of faultless performances he has put up in his Toon career, and really that sums up all about this large lardball waste of squad space.
However in the first 45 minutes, I was still believing the dream that finally we can put to an end all those years of hurt. We battled manfully in the midfield and stuffed out the challenge that Makelele and Lampard threw at us and the former got his just desserts with a high lunging tackle on Parker and he was withdrawn in favour of Essien. But somehow I knew it just wasn’t our day when a blind referee and gutless linesman conspired to deny us two penalties. Terry caught Bowyer’s legs in the box and got away with murder, Lampard’s handball in the box went unnoticed. What the hell was this? It was really a travesty of justice when you have the same referee who missed the elbow on Shearer in the Grimsby match and he did the same kind of stuff this time round.
Just when Mourinho might be sweating on how to ground the Toon down, Calamity Titus gifted them a goal with a downright sloppy pass which was duly despatched by Joe Cole, it really was thank you very much, Titus for that marvellous pass. Three minutes later, a mistake by Solano gave Crespo the chance to double the lead. By then, I knew that was it. Toon heads were drooping like flies. But if there was a glimmer of hope, it came from N’Zogbia who at least did what Shola didn’t do for the game, shoot at goal. Even removing Solano and putting on Chopra with 20 minutes remaining did nothing for the Toon cause and worse was to come when Duff scored via a Parker deflection.
So a pathetic and sad return for Babayaro and Parker but you can also say the day was ruined by the B and B show, a show of complete incompetence, criminal defending and how inflated international reputations mean nothing if you cannot even get your bloody basics right. Souness would be wont to offload these pieces of dead wood in January, but then again, who wants them?

This weekend throws up a few interesting battles. I think Wigan’s bubble is going to burst soon, starting on Saturday. They have certainly over-achieved and will fall from their lofty perch. Natural order will be restored.

Wigan v Arsenal 0-2 Crush the Latics, oh Henry and Co.
Charlton v Man Utd 1-2 Roo and Horseface to do the damage.
Chelsea v Newcastle 1-2 I will stick my neck out for the Toon! Howay the Lads.
Liverpool v Portsmouth 2-0 Stevie G will do the business.
Man City v Blackburn 1-1 Two combative teams cancel each other out.
Sunderland v Aston Villa 1-2 Unwashed will continue to flounder.
West Brom v Everton 1-2 Toffees turn the corner.
Tottenham v West Ham 2 - 1 Jol’s revolution continues.
Middlesbrough v Fulham 2-1 Boro will be too much for the Cottagers.
Birmingham v Bolton 0-2 No way back for Steve Bruce.

As most of my readers know, my better half has left the corporate jungle and ventured into the arena of business where even more ferocious and gory battles are fought on a daily basis. My mother-in-law has lamented that she now has no life, works 7 days a week and never eats proper meals on a regular basis. All the hubby can do now is to provide emotional support, massages at the end of her 10 hour work day and of course limousine service back from work everyday.

As part of a plan to give herself a semblance of what resembles normalcy in her life, my wife has decided to recruit aspiring individuals who fit the following bill for part time work in her shop during the Dec hols and beyond. So my students, if you are interested to do some temping and get some work experience and $, read on.

1. Gender is not an issue but if you guys wanna apply, you cannot work very long because NS is around the corner.

2. Must be willing to take s*** from customers. Who ever said the service industry is paved with gold?

3. Must have a genuine interest in watches and have the humility and eagerness to learn.

4. The applicant will only work weekends (Sat and Sun) and public hols from 1pm to 9.30 pm.

5. Have an outgoing personality.

Rate - $5.50 per hour.

Interested? Email my wife at mabelng@watch-masters.com

Sorry folks for not blogging for the last few days. Man, it was really tough because of Project Work Oral Assessment. Worked my socks off for the whole of the week listening to presentation after presentation. My colleague and I were very happy to note the high level of commitment demonstrated by the students and we really had fun doing it.

Now back to business.
Villa 0 Pool 2 Luckily for Pool, they managed to secure 3 points with 2 late goals. (1 pt)
Arsenal 3 Unwashed 1 I watched this match and boy was I entertained. (1 pt)
Blackburn 4 Charlton 1 (1 pt) Addicks finally coming unstuck.
Fulham 2 City 1 Shambolic defending was the undoing of City.
Toon 1 Brum 0 Toon played like crap but Emre provided a ray of light. (1 pt)
West Ham 1 West Brom 0 Robbo going down.
Pompey 0 Wigan 2 (1 pt) When will the fairytale become a nightmare?
Everton 1 Boro 0 Have the Toffees turned the corner?
Manure 1 Chelsea 0 I hate Man U but will give them the props for shutting Jose up.
Bolton 1 Spurs 0 Allardyce still defying the critics.

Aston Villa v Liverpool 1 -2 I think Pool will nick it.
Arsenal v Sunderland 3 - 0 The Unwashed will be a wash out.
Blackburn v Charlton 2-1 Bellars to end Addicks’ run.
Fulham v Man City 1 - 2 Pearce will continue his good run of form.
Newcastle v Birmingham 3 - 0 Nothing less than total annihilation for Steve Bruce’s men will suffice.
West Ham v West Brom 2 - 0 Baggies will not survive this year.
Portsmouth v Wigan 1 -2 Wigan will still win this but not for long.
Everton v Middlesbrough 1 - 1 Which Boro will turn up?
Man Utd v Chelsea 1 - 3 Mourinho 1 Alex 0
Bolton v Tottenham 1-2 Spurs to trot over Allardyce.

The weekend round of matches and Monday’s solitary match threw up a few surprises and ruffled more than a few feathers. My fellow pundit and keen observer of footie Lyndon shared his two cents’ worth and I do agree with him in certain ways. Sure the Toon got points from suckie teams but isn’t that what we need to do? Pool cannot even crush Fulham…. So a win is a win and scoring 3 away from home is not too bad for a team who could not score to save their lives earlier in the season. So I will take every small blessing and something positive from the Toon’s performance. Surely the verdict is still out on Souness and I will of course still support the team no matter how bad they are, that’s the way of a true supporter, isn’t it?

Everton finally got back to winning ways after a 1-0 victory at St.Andrews’. I think Steve Bruce is facing the heat and next up for him is the Toon at St. James’ Park, and I would want us to do him in nice and well.
Charlton lost 1-0 at home to a goal from Nolan with some good work from Sushi Boy again. One thing about Allardyce is that he always manages to get the best out of average or underperforming players. Sigh… if all Toon managers were like him.
The Welsh big gab managed a brace at Stamford Bridge but could not stop Rovers from going down 4-2. Lampard is really a scary player and he has everything in his arsenal. Truly a top class player. Props to him.
Pool crushed West Ham 2-0 to register another win but surely they need to inject some consistency into their performances.
The joke of the weekend must lay in the northeast of England. First, SAF got whacked left right centre by a rampant Boro and the Manure went down 4-1 at the Riverside. It was ever so pleasing to see dodgy defending by Rio Ferdinand. Excellent job. Wish he could do it week in week out from now onwards.
Our ex-Gallic brat saw his name on the bench and refused to appear from Pompey’s match against Sunderland but surely his talents weren’t missed and the Unwashed went down 4-1 at home. Looks like they are going to stuck there for a long long time.
For the Latics, their fairytale continued as they beat Fulham 1-0 and they basically were on the ropes for the first half. Treasure it while it lasts because the bubble is going to burst anyway and it might be better to burst now than later. Just ask Moyes and Everton.
Man City also gave O’Leary a 3-1 stuffing at Manchester. No amount of money is going to save this Midlands outfit. They simply cannot compete properly. David must be cursing and swearing. One more place and it’s the relegation zone.
So that’s it. Can’t wait for the weekend.